Dammit. What. To. Write!!!
I’ve been staring on this page longer than I should. I’m not talking hours, but almost two-fucking-weeks. I have the tab open on draft mode for days, hoping to craft at least a paragraph out but still couldn’t. And I’m struggling to commit to this because I have better options than to actually sit down at Starbucks or any one of those hipster coffee places I choose to get caffeinated at.
I’m gonna begin with a rambling of sort. A story, quick one.
A friend asked me if I’m ever concern about the look on my resume with me jumping around jobs from one to another in less than a year – particularly in 2013, with two new jobs in the same year – trying to figure out what I actually wanna do in life.
For once I choose not to answer. She has a point, no doubt. Disloyalty is the one thing those peeps over at HR particularly hate, no matter how good you think you are. And 2013 saw me at my lowest, career-wise, and those couple of facts could shatter my opportunity in future and why shouldn’t I be afraid, no?
All I wanted to do was to be honest, so I told him that I can’t never be that girl he expected me to be. I can’t be that girl whose idea of ultimate happiness is marriage and a five figure salary. Yes, I seek love but institutional love doesn’t necessarily will make me happy. At least not yet. I can’t never be that girl who pleases conventional expectations of society. That baby, will never be me and I choose to be me. So I (wo)man up and say, I’m setting my priorities straight.
Passion before anything. Passion before everything.
All my life I have been wanting to find comfort in this thing called romance. All my life I seek for it in conscience and in hope. I’m not too sure why but that comfort seems very unlikely to come by though romance keeps revisiting in different forms. I’m not too sure if it’s a curse or simply cause the time has yet to come but one thing I know for sure is I haven’t been lucky enough to be rewarded such comfort. Soon, I hope.