All my life I have been wanting to find comfort in this thing called romance. All my life I seek for it in conscience and in hope. I’m not too sure why but that comfort seems very unlikely to come by though romance keeps revisiting in different forms. I’m not too sure if it’s a curse or simply cause the time has yet to come but one thing I know for sure is I haven’t been lucky enough to be rewarded such comfort. Soon, I hope.
So when I decided to break a dear man’s heart (and mine too) last three weekends ago, I was hoping he would come back to me and beg me to change my mind cause I was saying crazy things in an unconscious state of mind. Well, he didn’t and the truth is, I have expected that. He didn’t fight for me the way I was so willingly would fight for him. So I let my heart breaks, not in ignorance. I let it break now so it wouldn’t break later when all would be severely shatter. At least I know for the fact that if I stop now, perhaps it wouldn’t take me that long to recover and perhaps all I need is a gadget-shopping therapy done in a super random manner (yup, it’s exactly what you have in mind) then hopefully I would still be okay.
But no, comfort and stability in romance lies beyond shopping therapy or the hunt for that dream gadget of yours. This is the kind of comfort that goes beyond cuddling or hugs and kisses. Here, a fulfilling sex is out of the picture. If not too much, this goes beyond that warmth of his or her touch. Na-ah, not even that.
To me, comfort in romance lies in its security. Its assurance. It’s about a secured heart that eventually evolves from things like the willingness to commit. An assurance of loyalty – though this is rather questionable – but sometime simple words like “You know I am here for you” could mean the world. Financial security is the most common but no, it’s not the most important one. At least not to me.
Comfort in romance is a luxury. Luxurier than the most expensive handbag from Louis Vuitton. Luxurier than an 8-star resort suite in Maldives. Luxurier than the idea of your mother’s home cook food. (Okay, maybe not that – my mother’s cooking can cure my soul, that definitely is a luxury). Simply, though comfort in romance would also mean to have financial stability… sometimes financial struggle could spark that ‘comfort’ you’ve been looking for. It could work the other way around too.
Truth is, I’ve longed for that comfort. At the young age of 25, I’m not too sure if I have ever found that all-round comfort that I could hold on to. The comfort that would hopefully become the support I need to let me find and be me, and him the same.
Oh, this is no sign of a surrender. I’m young still and a great life is still ahead of me. I have a feeling that I am more determine now in planning my life and that would also include a long trip abroad, in a land I feel very much close and bonded to and perhaps even more. As of now, yes, I have allowed myself a new gadget therapy, done in an oh-so-random manner and it’s the one I’ve been aiming for, like… forever.